What kind of listener are you?
Ever have a situation in your life when you are talking to a person about your problems and before you’ve said your piece, they launch into a whole strategy plan of how you should handle the said problem? There is no regard to whether you wanted a listening ear or advise. I bet one or more instances come to mind.
What is it with human beings that want to look at another person’s problems and say, “I shall fix this for you in minutes, easy peasy” while their own problems are piled high like unwashed dishes after a particularly raucous party.
As the person venting, it can distract you from your narrative or make you wonder why you chose this specific person to talk to anyway.
Some will then choose to clam up and give up talking about their problems altogether while some others might get agitated and have yet another problem added to the one they are dealing with.
We might ourselves be guilty of playing ‘Mr. Fix-it’ with someone in our family or social circle. It is never too late though, to STOP and do things differently .
Sometimes a person might be unloading their troubles on you to just talk them out and feel lighter, have a good cry and get on with their lives. But some might actually look up to you and value your advice, once they have laid bare their problem. How do we tell the difference?
It’s simple…just ask.
If the person feels comfortable enough with you to have chosen you to talk to about a particular problem, there is a good enough rapport between the two of you that can afford this clarification.
Do you want to VENT or are you asking for ADVICE?
That way expectations are set at the beginning of the conversation. It is also important to note that the same person who once wanted to vent might come to you next time for advice. It can vary depending on the problem and the criticality of the situation. So, it is always best to ask.
Imagine listening to someone pouring out their worries and just being there for them in exactly the way they want you to be. All because you asked.
