The pandemic of not hearing back
Where ‘no response’ is becoming the norm
I get it. Everyone has their own thing going on. Everyone is busy. But in a world where technology has eased our life, or at least that was its intended purpose, I have realised that more often than not, people just fail to respond.
Again and again and again.
When I was little, I recall that my mother always taught my sister and I to send a note when we received a gift from someone or to write a letter to a cousin over the holidays. At the time, while it seemed like a task that just got in the way of playing with our friends, it helped both of us develop a wonderful habit of acknowledging another human being. It is second nature for us to get back, respond and close the loop even to this day despite our busy schedules.
But it isn’t the same with everyone unfortunately.
I have personally lost count of the myriad times I have not heard back, after applying for a freelance job . As a content writer (and a good one at that — based on the reviews I receive) who relies on lucrative writing jobs, my main stream of income, it becomes frustrating when a well worded application isn’t even viewed.
Responding to your application or selecting you is secondary, but it is not even glanced at. I know this, because the app allows you to check the status of your applications. Pointing out this major flaw in the system, with customer service proved to be entirely futile. All I got was a host of links I could visit to improve my chances. Whatever!
Then there are the powers that be, who like your work and want to hire you but leave you hanging for days. Every hour that turns to days and then weeks can cause more angst than you signed up for. Sometimes they write back saying they are keen to work with you, and then disappear altogether. What even is that?
Then there are people you know personally — friends, acquaintances and the like who do not check your messages for days or even if they do, choose to just not respond. It has become more the norm than the exception.
A friend recently told me that he has been trying to land a job since quite a while now. Despite being super skilled and highly creative (I have seen his work), he has encountered more dead ends than one would, on an entire cross country road trip.
Fake promises of offers (to keep him warm) while companies scout for more profiles, getting him to do work for free, as a qualifying round and then ghosting him and endless interviews without so much as a courtesy text message to say they have found someone else or are going in a different direction.
I get that people have families to run and lives to lead. Some are probably going through the worst times of their lives, but so is everyone else. Do we stop living, lose our morals and common decency?
While ticks turn blue and messages go from delivered to read why are people forgetting to be courteous? A quick text or voice note to keep the person updated. Is that too much to ask? Asking for a friend…..
‘Sorry you weren’t selected.’
‘I’m under the weather, will revert within the next two days.’
‘Will circle back in a week. Slightly overloaded.’
‘Will send in the report by _____. Thanks for your patience.’
Is that really so hard? It takes a couple of minutes of your time but eases the situation for the recipient.
Once you respond with a timeline then it would also be great to follow through on your promise of delayed gratification eventually, or else you open yet another anxiety loop a few days later with the poor soul who is waiting for you to get back.
I was having coffee with a friend recently and we were talking about this very same thing (that has become my biggest pet peeve). She mentioned that she was waiting to hear back from someone on an invite she had sent. But she merely shrugged it off after a while saying, ‘Aah well everyone is like that now. I have lost count of how many people just don’t bother to respond.’
Wow, is that what things are reduced to?
A grudging acceptance of ‘It is what it is.’
Why do we need to settle?
Don’t you like it when you hear back from someone?
Don’t you get mad when you have to check your phone a million times wondering if someone you were waiting to hear from, had responded?
Even if ‘turn around’ times have massively increased from the expected 24 hours to 72 hours now (yikes), can we honour the time frame and respond?
If you are reading this, can you do me a favour?
Look at your last ten emails or last ten messages and take a little time out to respond to all ten of them, even if it is to buy a little extra time. And then do the same consistently for the next few days. Before long it will become a habit.
If we all commit to doing so, there will be a few happy faces, relaxed minds and smiling people somewhere out there in the world. You will give them closure of the good kind or the bad kind but at least there is closure. Maybe someone you are waiting to hear from, just happens to read this and responds to you.
Every drop makes the ocean, so all we can do is start with ourselves. If I can pass on what I learned from my mother, and it makes a small difference in the world, I will be pleased.
Close the loops in your own life and in those of others. Someone out there will heave a huge sigh of relief when they hear from you.
Let’s not bring on another pandemic. The one we recently witnessed was bad enough.
