The Growth That Comes From Surviving A Narcissistic Relationship
People who have survived narcissistic abuse, yet still have the will and determination to move forward in living their lives, are truly badass in my opinion. Surviving this kind of abuse is a superpower and they need to give themselves credit and be proud of how far they have come.
With self-doubt and confusion being the by-products of a draining narcissistic relationship , another one that is seldom seen or given its due credit, is GROWTH.
Most survivors will gain a few of these traits mentioned below, once the narcissist in their life is in the rear-view mirror — blurred and forgotten.
PATIENCE
If you want to meet someone with the patience of a saint, then it has got to be the victim of narcissistic abuse. In tolerating the dichotomous nature of a narcissist, survivors of this kind of abuse, develop patience. While patience is wasted on a narcissist, this quality holds the survivor in good stead in the future — in their workplace, personal situations and in any future relationships they have. With patience in such short supply these days, it is a gift to know or be associated with someone who is patient.
RESILIENCE
Years of being put down, being made to feel small, drowning in self-doubt, crying oneself to sleep at night builds a resilient personality. After having walked away from a destructive relationship, (I use this term to pertain to any kind of association one has with a narcissist — a partner, a parent, a friend, a sibling or even a colleague) if this person still has the strength to look for joy in their lives, still has the willingness to make new connections and believe in the good of humanity, then their resilience has to be appreciated and lauded. What hasn’t killed them or their spirit (fortunately) has made them stronger.
ASTUTENESS
While survivors may be open to let people in, they will at the same time be wary of the kind of people they associate with. They wizen up about the kind of people they let into their lives. A small suspicion resides in their mind, that there are more narcissists out there (which is true) and their radar therefore is tuned into that possibility. They tend to be better gatekeepers of their personal boundaries. They will no longer want to waste time or effort on anyone who exhibits a hint of narcissism, as by now they are well aware that a narcissist will NEVER CHANGE, regardless of their best and most noble intentions.
TOLERANCE
While their patience soars, their tolerance for other similar people in their lives, wanes and that is a good thing. They are better able to identify relationships that are sapping and either define a boundary or cut these energy vampires out of their lives entirely. Once a survivor begins to enjoy true freedom in every sense, they begin to understand the futility in maintaining any and all relationships that drain them. They are better judges of character and want to do themselves a favour. They begin to enjoy a sense of empowerment in doing this. So, all those who encourage them to play small, are jealous of them, invalidate them, doubt them and judge them will be duly addressed. Some people even go as far as cleaning up their social media followers and friends all in an attempt to define better boundaries.
COURAGE
Survivors of narcissistic abuse are fearless. They are willing to try new things, put themselves out there, make bold moves personally and professionally. Once they understand how wonderful it is to stand tall in their own right without anyone putting them down or making them feel ‘less than’, they find a new purpose in their life. They realise that standing alone is so much better than being walked all over on. They may not go all out in calling out the narcissist or bad mouthing them (that has more to do with their own value system) but they simply choose to not be a part of their show. ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys’ is what they go by and they are so much better off for it.
SELF-RELIANCE
Survivors of this kind of abuse are so grateful to be free that they may embark on a wonderful journey of self-discovery. They analyse what brought them to that relationship, they own their own mistakes and errors in judgement and make an oath to themselves to not allow another person to ever fool them again. They begin to discover their own strengths and new facets of themselves that they never knew existed. If this were a love interest that they cut out of their lives, they are not in any hurry to move onto their next relationship. They begin to enjoy solitude and get into a relationship only when they are ready.
CONFIDENCE
Survivors gain a new sense of confidence in themselves. They begin to realise the import of walking away from a relationship, possibly when the stakes were very high in certain cases. Cutting off from such a relationship and then building a new life can increase one’s self esteem. They wonder that if they can do something this big what else is there on this grand planet that they cannot do. They become more grounded with all the lessons from their past and it all serves to boost their confidence.
If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, then I want to say to you, ‘I see you my friend, I feel your pain and I know.’ I wish you the courage, resilience, confidence, patience, tolerance and the astuteness to take the right decision for your life so that you can live your life on your own terms when the time is right for you.
If you are a survivor then all I wanted to say is ‘I SEE YOU.’
Your pain and struggles were real and your triumphs and joys are truly yours to enjoy. I hope you have a beautiful life, free of the burdens that weighed you down. I hope you live a grand life being you……… unapologetically.
